Here's the translated version of "Oom Apie se skop" that was published in Jou wêreld this month:
Oom Apie's Kick
"It's his father's quirk, that," the people of Eland Street gossiped after Duifie's death.
"Yes," whispered another woman a matter-of-factly. "His father was drunk the day he was born – his real name is Albertina." She shook her head slowly, sadly. "And yesterday he carried a bottle of brandy home – again."
Nobody really knew where Oom Apie picked up his problems and quirks. Maybe at his birth when his father called pastor Cloete through a happy daze induced by his grandfather's secretly distilled mampoer and proclaimed that he brought a child – Albertina – into the world. Maybe it was twenty years of living close to a busy road. Maybe it was Duifie – his wife's – sudden death after forty years of marriage.
Unfortunately Apie's grandfather and father was long dead and took their mampoer recipe with them to their graves. Apie quickly realized that he could not keep on looking to the bottle – it was too expensive and nothing had the kick of that mampoer. But after a birthday present of brandy he couldn't help himself and drank a few tots. In this drunken state he got hungry and went to rummage through the kitchen cupboards. There he found the recipe book of his late Duifie. She had copied the book diligently as a monk from her mother, which had copied hers from her mother and so on until sometime before the printing press was invented.
His tears fell on every page – especially the one with the well-guarded recipe of her grandfather's mampoer recipe. Right at the back, after a few open pages was the grail of her cooking. The recipe, he had heard her say once, she had inherited from her mother's aunt – or aunt's grandmother – a long, long time ago. It was apparently just the thing you could survive on when you fare into undiscovered Africa.
He read the entire recipe. It had been worked on, but not like the other recipes. No, this one's handwriting was good enough for Sunday school. He studied the recipe over a mug of strong coffee. Flour and butter and those types of things he knew, of course, but that all those seeds and stuff were eaten by anything other than birds was a revelation for him.
He ordered a take-out dinner that evening and ate it alone in the living room. On the TV a woman was busy making a dessert with chocolate and sherry. The next program was one he had seen his wife watch. A young man that proclaimed to the world that you, yes you sitting there eating your take-away, can live healthier by making your meals in foil.
He stared at the screen while memories of his past surfaced. Before he went to bed he poured himself only a glass of milk and took the recipe book to bed with him.
Before the neighbor's rooster crowed Apie was already awake and sat in the kitchen, making a shopping list over burnt scrambled eggs and toast. He went to the corner shop at eight and waited for them to open their doors. He walked past the wine and alcohol to the isle with the baking ingredient. For a long time he wondered and wavered over the strange names on the list until one of the workers in the shop saw him and helped him gather all the ingredients. He found the seeds promising to keep you healthy and happy between dried fruit and other health products.
Another shopper smiled at him knowingly. "Shame, did your wife send you?"
Apie nodded. "She makes the best rusks in all of South Africa."
He walked to the car with the heavy bags and opened the boot. For a moment he wondered why he had been unable to remember to buy milk before today. At his house he asked the neighbor's kids to help him carry the bags. He locked every door and window and started unpacking the mixing bowls and ingredients. He baked the whole day and sat up 'til late watching TV while he waited for the rusks to dry.
By the next morning he had three containers full fresh rusks and he threw the crumbs to the birds outside. And there the thing bit him.
At first he only gave rusks to his neighbors and ignored the funny looks they gave him when they found out he had baked it. "If that English-chap can do it, I can too," he said to some of the neighbors. "And anyway, it's the twenty-first century!"
After a while he posted a parcel of rusks to London for his son. When his son asked for more, he brought Apie to a very important decision. The rusks were so expensive to bake that he had to get some more money for the ingredients. He went to the home industry shyly, a packet of rusks under his arm. For the woman at the till it was love at first sight and he quickly left with the promise of three dozen packets by the end of the week. Soon he had to hire more people to help him bake. He even moved the TV into the kitchen. And there, in his wife's kingdom, he made himself at home.
After his son wrote from London to say that one of the shops selling South African food also wanted some of the rusks and he started getting orders from New Zealand and Australia, he was featured on the news. On a talk show he told the whole story for the first time.
"Oom Apie, why do you do it?" the presenter asked him.
"My wife always baked. It's her recipe that I'm using, just like she wrote it down. She deserves to be world famous and be remembered."
But it was on the day that he got a call from a talk show queen in America that his heart beat for the last time. His son inherited the recipe and the house. For a few days he only stared at the kitchen. Then, one day, he looked at the recipe. Then he tried to bake the rusks. And there the thing bit him as well and he moved his whole family back to South Africa.
Almost three months after Apie's death, his son, Albert, paged through the old recipe book. There the mampoer recipe was still untouched, except for the thick line his father had drawn through it.
Notes:
• "Oom Apie" – Apie (meaning 'little monkey') is what everyone called "Albertina" because his given name was a female name. "Oom", meaning "uncle" is a sign of respect and younger people will call older people (whether family or not) "Oom" or "Tannie" (Aunt).
• "Duifie" – not her real name, but the name she was called by Apie – meaning 'little dove'.
• Rusks – called "beskuit" in Afrikaans. Delicious and usually dipped in coffee when eaten. A very nice breakfast…
• "Mampoer" – also called peach brandy, it is an extremely potent alcoholic drink and can be made from many different kinds of fruit.
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