(Lees die Afrikaans hier)
“People only have
chronic illnesses because they’re not passionate enough about life.”
This statement is
probably one of the the most idiotic and uninformed statements that I’ve heard
in a long time. Well, apart from “Have you tried drinking more water?” as if
every illness known to man (physical and mental) is caused by dehidration and
your DNA plays no role in any of it.
I call this statement idiotic and uninformed for a couple of reasons. One is that
there seems to be this assumption that the person suffering from a chronic
illness chooses to be ill. At the same time it is also assumed that the person
is only lazy and wants to use an illness as an excuse. And, because the person is lazy, they do not
have a passion for life. They take a day’s leave because they’re lazy. That
they’re too ill to get out of bed is not taken into account at all.
Not just one definition of “passionate”
But,
perhaps, we have also started to give “passion for life” only one specific definition.
It means that you always have to be busy. That you have to climb mountains and
skydive. That you actually have so much energy you don’t know what to do with
it all. That you don’t need assistance from medication to keep your symptoms in
check enough that you can get out of bed to go to work or even just have a bath.
And that
is why it looks as if being chronically ill – something that you have no
control over – is seen as a weakness. If you don’t have a runny nose or a cough
or something of the like, you’re seen as lying or simply seeking attention. You’re
not believed when you say that you’re in too much pain to climb stairs or just really
need to go and cry in the bathroom for a few minutes because you feel like you
can’t carry on.
And this may be the big secret – you don’t
see the symptoms because they’re being hidden. You hide them because you don’t
want to be seen as weak, lazy or unintelligent – or even dangerous when it
comes to mental illness.
We are not liars
What many people who make such statements don’t realise, is that it is
about much more than simply implying that someone is lazy. You are calling the
person a liar. As simple as that. You are accusing the person that they are
only acting as if they are ill and are lying to you every day of their lives.
That they’re whole life is an act to seek attention.
And yet it is these prejudices that cause
chronic illness sufferers and those suffering from mental illness to hide their
symptoms more and more. Because, when you say how you really feel on that day,
you’re asked why you are at work if you’re feeling that ill. But what is so
difficult to make others understand is that a “good day” isn’t a day on which
you have no symptoms. It simply means that the symptoms are at a level that you
can handle. Because you have to learn with time that you have no choice but to
handle it.
Prejudices and stigma
How do you move past the stigma and prejudices?
Especially in a world where you can not only lose the respect of friends,
colleagues and family, but where your work can also come under fire overnight?
In a world where, as soon as certain people find out that you suffer from a
mental illness they immediately act as if you’ve suddenly morphed into a
violent mass murderer. In a world where people, instead of trying to learn
more, just keep away and doesn’t want to let their children near you.
Both the easy and difficult answer is to
try and educate people about it. People with chronic illnesses – especially
those that impact on quality of life – usually do a lot of research about their
illnesses. I know, for example, a lot more about the CACNA1 gene than most
people. The problem is to find a way to educate people in a way that they will
actually make them listen to what you have to say. (Which means that you don’t
start off with, ‘so there’s this one gene’…)
Humour… It’s not funny
Apart from the problems around discrimination, humour – as strange as it
may sound – is also a big problem. Jokes about illnesses – and especially
mental illnesses – are very seldom funny. For the most part it’s people who
joke they’re “OCD” because they have to have three sugars in their coffee, or
are “bipolar” because they lose their temper very easily. This only shows their
ignorance and that they have no idea what the illness is all about. And then
they act as if it is an unimportant thing and isn’t really an illness. It’s
something for which you just have to drink more water or be less lazy.
I wish that there would come a day when people
will really try to find out more about chronic illnesses and will no longer be
scared of someone with a mental illness. I wish that there would come a day
when you can walk into the workplace and say I have this or that illness and,
instead of hearing stupid jokes or being told to drink more water (or stop your
medication), colleagues will just silently support you and not blame you for
something you have no control over.
Note: This post was written from own experience and that which friends and
family have shared about their daily experiences. Thankfully there are also
people who are supportive and either have no prejudices or have gotten rid of
them. Many times these people make life worth living.
